Broken Memories
by asyouwish76
Summary: ONESHOT Hermione watched Draco leave, hoping against hope that he would return to her, but she couldn't shake the feeling that tonight would be the last time she saw him


A/N: This story kept coming to the forefront of my mind as I was writing the next chapter for "Still Fighting It" (which will be updated soon). I've never written anything like this before, so please be gentle with your critiques. If you like it, please check out my story "Still Fighting It".

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Broken Memories

Hermione looked at her fiancé in worry. She knew he still felt as though he had to prove himself, even though she thought he had proven himself time and time again. She studied his stormy grey eyes as he spoke passionately about the upcoming mission. It was a mission that, if all went well, could bring about the end of the war. However, there were infinite ways in which things could do wrong. Once again, he was volunteering for an outrageously dangerous mission, and once again the Order was letting him. She didn't know who she should be more upset with, him or them. Sometimes she wondered if they really trusted him, even after everything he had done for them. There was no denying he had made past mistakes. Mistakes to save his family from a terrible fate; a fate that in the end couldn't be avoided. He narrowly escaped with the help of Severus Snape, but after seeing Voldemort murder his parents, Draco Malfoy was never the same.

The Wizarding World had been in a state of full-fledged war for over two years now. Hermione wondered if it would ever end. Since she, Harry and Ron left school they had seen so much loss. Mad-Eye, Remus, Tonks, Fred, Dumbledore, McGonagall, , Neville, and so many more. Times were hard, families were torn apart, but somehow in the midst of all the grief, love found its way to Hermione and Draco. Things weren't easy for them. Far from it in fact. Their rivalry didn't end when Draco was first brought to the order, if anything it got worse. The younger members of the order blamed him for a lot, and in large part felt that he got what he deserved. She never truly believed that, but on some of her especially grief stricken days, even she couldn't keep those horrible thoughts out of her head. Over time, things slowly started to change. He kept to himself a lot, and Hermione slowly started to notice how different he was from the school bully she thought she knew so well. He didn't pick fights with them, and a lot of the time ignored any jabs they made at him, in fact, he barely spoke at all, but when he did...those fights shook the house. Looking back, she thought the defining moment that changed their relationship was on the day Mr. Weasley died.

_She sat in one of the large wing backed chairs in the library of 12 Grimmauld Place. She stared unseeingly at the book that lie open on her lap. Harry had locked himself in his room, and Ron and Ginny were with what was left of their family, grieving over their father. She knew they needed to be alone at a time like this, unfortunately, it also meant she had to be alone. Her thoughts were running rampant with memories of the head of the Weasley family. She remembered the first time she met the family, explaining electricity to Arthur, and he looking as if she were explaining magic to a muggle. She thought of the many summers spent at the burrow back when the family was whole. Everyone squeezing in at the dinner table, Fred and George playing pranks (mostly on Percy), Mrs. Weasley berating the twins, the furtive glances between Harry and Ginny when they thought no one was looking. She longed for the time when things were easier. When she still had her own family to comfort and care for her. This was what bothered her the most. Her own parents were in Australia with no memory of their only daughter, and she didn't even know where they were. They could be dead for all she knew. She checked in on them quite often at the beginning, but as the war went on it got more and more dangerous to even leave the house. Now no one left unless it was for a mission, and many times they didn't come back. During the past year became more and more like a father to her, and his loss only made her miss her own father more than ever, on top of the intense grief she felt for Mr. Weasley. So lost was she in her thoughts that she didn't hear the door open, and someone quietly make their way toward the armchair across from her._

_Draco went to the library seeking refuge. He could hear the Weasley's despair from his room, and it reminded him too much of losing his own parents, particularly his mother. He was about to sit down, when he saw Hermione._

_"I'm sorry, I didn't realize anyone was in here. I'll leave you alone." he said. Hermione quickly looked up, startled. She looked in his tired eyes, and in that moment it hit her exactly what was so different about this Draco Malfoy; he was broken. She couldn't see it before, but suddenly she could. _

_ "You don't have to leave. Please...stay." She tried to sound confident and airy, but there was a pleading tone in her last word that made it impossible for him to leave. He tentatively sat in the arch backed chair facing her, unsure what to say or do. _

_ "I'm sorry about Mr. Weasley," he said sincerely. Over the past months he grew to like Mr. Weasley, despite everything his father had told him about "blood traitors". The man was strong, powerful, and accepting. He was one of the first to accept Draco and that meant something to him._

_"Thank you," she replied, choking on the words. Hearing those words from the most unexpected person was more than she could handle. She burst into tears, unable to hide her grief any longer. She was so tired of being strong for everyone else. She may be the logical one, but that didn't mean she didn't feel just as strongly as others. Each death had hit her hard, but she tried not to let it show. The tears came at night when she was alone in her room and couldn't keep the memories away. She stayed strong by thinking about the bigger picture, and making plans. Keeping busy was her saving grace, but this was the final straw. Death and destruction surrounded her; there was nothing to focus on. Their numbers were dwindling, and Voldemorts were growing ever larger. Hope was lost. _

_ "We're going to win Granger," Draco suddenly said. _

_"No we're not. He's too strong, and we're losing numbers every day. The good side only wins in storybooks." she replied, despairingly._

_"That's not true and you know it. You have to believe that we can overcome this because if you don't then their lives will have been lost in vain. We have to fight for their memories, for our futures." he said heatedly. She didn't think she'd ever heard him speak so passionately before. "We have to get out of this frame of mind that just because we're the light side means we have to fight fair."_

_"You've changed," she said, looking into his ocean like eyes. _

_"We've all changed," he replied. "War changes people."_

_After that conversation, however brief it was, Hermione found her strength again. She spoke to Kingsley about what Draco said about fighting fair. After that, they focused on training, specifically hand to hand combat and the use of muggle weapons. The Death Eaters fought dirty, but they only fought with magic. They wouldn't know how to respond to muggle methods of fighting seeing as they were pureblood elitists. The Order started having more successful missions, finally making some headway in their fight against Voldemort. _

_ Two months passed, and Hermione and Draco grew closer. They still fought, but not as much. Slowly but surely they came to realize they were friends. After Hermione befriended Draco, he found that it was much more tolerable to live in headquarters. He suspected she said something to tweedle dee and tweedle dum, but wasn't going to ask her about it. He could handle their taunts, probably even deserved them, but he wasn't going to comment on the absence of enmity. One peculiar warm night found Draco and Hermione sitting on the roof of Grimmauld Place, looking at the stars. Hermione discovered how to get up there in the summer before fifth year. It was her escape when her thoughts became too much to handle. She shared the spot with Draco after realizing he needed to escape just as much as she did. _

_ "Do you ever wish you were someone else?" Draco asked quietly. _

_ "Sometimes. I think everyone does, but more than anything I wish I was somewhere else. I wish I was the type of person that could give up, or run. There are days when I'm tempted to run away and obliviate myself so I don't have to remember the pain and the loss. But I know I can't leave everyone I care for behind. Is that what you mean?"_

_"Sort of. I guess I don't mean someone else, but rather of better version of yourself. I wish I was braver, I wish I had refused the Dark Lord right away. Maybe then things would be different. I know the order doesn't fully trust me, but I am on their side."_

_"It's not too late to earn their trust, and they trust you more than you think."_

_Draco sat pensively as he thought over her words. She watched him quietly. Thoughts swirled behind his grey eyes, and she wondered what he was thinking. Sometimes it amazed her how much he had changed from the school bully he used to be, and sometimes it broke her heart to see him so broken. She was glad he found her that day in the library, they needed each other. _

_"Maybe I'll start volunteering for missions." Draco said suddenly. Hermione looked up in surprise._

_"That's not what I meant when I said you could earn their trust. You can still help from here," she said._

_"You go on missions all the time, why can't I?" he asked angrily._

_"Draco, you'll be killed. You betrayed them, they want revenge. Do you really think they won't hesitate to kill you?"_

_"What does it matter? What do I have to live for? The way I see it, the chances of us coming out of this war alive are slim to none, and if I'm going to die I want to do it for a cause, not because they catch up to me."_

_"I don't disagree on your reasons. I often feel the same way. However, you do have something to live for. The Order, the future…me. We're friends right? That's who I live for. Everytime I consider doing something reckless in the name of good, I picture Ginny, or Harry, or you. I live for my friends because they are the family I have left. I imagine what it would be like to lose any of you, and know I could never put you all through that."_

_He looked at her deeply, "I won't do anything reckless, but I can't sit by the sidelines anymore."_

_For the first time since Snape brought him to them, she saw life in his eyes._

_It was the day of Draco's first mission. It was a simple reconnaissance mission. He and Kingsley were to disguise themselves as Ministry employees and report back the workings of the ministry; who was corrupted, any news, etc. This was a weekly mission, and hadn't proven to be particularly dangerous, but Hermione couldn't keep from worrying. From the moment he left she paced back and forth in front of the fireplace, waiting for his return. No one understood why she cared so much, and sometimes even she didn't understand. All she knew was that he had to come back. In the past few months they had become extremely close, he had become like a life raft to her, and she needed him more than she knew. She honestly didn't know how she would survive without his comforting words. He didn't sugarcoat things, or tell her that everything would be okay like everyone else did, he told her the truth, and shared his fears, and that was more comforting to her than anything in the world. _

_The fire blazed green, and out stepped Draco, followed quickly by Kingsley. Hermione froze at the sight of them. Kingsley left the room, telling Draco to relax a moment before going in to report. Hermione hadn't moved since he appeared._

_Before either of them knew what was happening, Hermione rushed forward and threw herself on him. He slowly wrapped his arms around her, surprised at her display of affection. She looked up at him._

_"How did it go?" She asked._

"_It was fine, you know it's not that dangerous," He replied._

"_Yes, but that doesn't mean I wasn't worried," she said, looking at him meaningfully, "I'm glad you came back."_

_They still held each other, unwilling to let go. They both knew that this was a defining moment, with Draco going on missions; nothing would ever be the same. They looked into each other's eyes. They slowly moved closer until their lips met in a kiss. It was a short kiss, but they poured all of their longing and fear into it. His lips covered hers, and his arms surrounded her, and she could honestly say she had never felt safer. _

_Things were slightly awkward between them after the kiss, but they soon became an item. Secret at first, but that didn't last long. It's hard to have a secret relationship when you live in a house with so many other people. The others, particularly Ron were upset at first, but they soon came to accept it. Especially after Draco saved her life during a mission that had gone terribly wrong. After that they held a begrudging respect for him, which slowly turned into a friendship. _

_Things continued as they were for a while. There was a mix of successful and unsuccessful missions, progress was made and lost, but Draco and Hermione were stronger than ever. Their one year anniversary came on a day that was strangely calm. Seeing as they were in the middle of a war, they couldn't do much as far as celebrations go, but they made do with what they had. Draco led Hermione up to the roof where he had set up a romantic dinner. Hermione had been pleasantly surprised when she found out that Draco had a romantic side. He was so different from what everyone thought. _

"_Hermione, there's something I want to ask you." He said, idly curling a piece of her hair around his finger._

"_Yes?" _

"_I know times are hard, and the future appears quite bleak, but I can honestly say I'm happy when I'm with you. We found each other in the darkest of times, and that only makes us stronger. And I know I probably shouldn't even be thinking of this, but the fact that we fight for our lives every day, only makes it that much more important. I love you Hermione," He got down on one knee, pulling out a small box, "Will you marry me?"_

_She looked at him in shock. She loved him with all of her heart, and knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, however short that may be. She didn't hesitate with her answer._

"_Yes," she said, flinging herself on to him. "Yes, a thousand times yes. I love you." He slid the ring on her finger, and pulled her in for a passionate kiss. She later came to find out the ring was his mothers, and was more dear to him than any of his other possessions, as it was the only thing he had left of her. This made her treasure it even more._

These moments passed through Hermione's mind as she listened to Draco lay out the plans of the mission. There was only one horcrux left, but unfortunately it never left Voldemort's side. The snake Nagini had posed a problem for quite some time, but they had finally put together a plan. Voldemort still held base at Malfoy Manor, which was lucky for them. Draco knew every secret the Manor held and was confident he could get them in and out. There were rumors that Voldemort had planned a revel the next night. This was when they would make their move. There would of course be Death Eaters there, but most of them would be gone. The plan was for Draco and Harry to sneak in undetected, pose as Death Eaters and kill the snake. Getting the snake away from Voldemort was going to be the tricky point, but they had come to a stalemate and had to try. The rest of the Order would be on standby in case a battle broke out. They all knew it had potential to be the final battle.

Hermione was very aware of the fact that this could be their last night together. She had this horrible feeling that he wasn't going to come back. She was more scared than ever. She stayed quiet during the meeting, but once Draco and Hermione got to their room, she couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Please don't go. You won't come back, and I can't survive without you. Stay, let someone else go," Hermione pleaded.

"And let someone else die? You know I can't do that. Besides, I'm the only one who could get in the manor."

"Draw them a map."

"To get in undetected you need to be with someone with Malfoy blood. I'm the only one that can go."

"No! Draco, listen to me," she pleaded frantically, "this is not the time to play the hero. Come up with a different plan, wait a little while longer, just don't go. I'm telling you, I have a bad feeling."

"I thought you didn't believe in all that divination pish posh."

"I don't, but I do believe in intuition, and I have to listen to my gut feeling. I know something terrible is going to happen, I just know it."

"Hermione, I can't change anything. This is the only feasible plan we have; this could be the end of the war. Don't you see that? If my life ends the war, it'll be worth it."

"Not to me," She said, tears streaming down her face. He tenderly stroked her cheek.

"Hermione, please, I have to do this." He said, imploringly. She looked at him and had to admit that she did understand. If the roles were reversed she would be saying the same things.

"I understand. Really, I do. I just don't want to lose you." A tear traced its way down her cheek, "We were stupid for putting off our wedding until after the war, now I may never know what it's like to be your wife." She said sadly.

"Then let's get married. Tonight," He said, wiping the tears from her face.

"Tonight?"

"Yes, I bet Kingsley would do it. There's no sense of waiting anymore. Whether or not we make it through the next day, I know it would be easier if you were by my side as my wife. What do you say?"

"I-I-yes. Let's do it!"

"Go tell everyone, I'll ask Kingsley."

She excitedly ran upstairs to tell her friends and get ready. She found a dress of Ginny's that with some magical altering fit her perfectly. It was a white halter summer dress with a low back. It fell just below her knees, and hugged her curves nicely. Ginny pulled her hair into a stylish updo, and she found some silver strappy sandals to wear.

Ginny was delighted to take the role of Maid of Honor, and Harry as Best Man. The inhabitants of Number 12 Grimmauld Place gathered in the parlor. Kingsley stood at the front of the room, with Draco by his side. Mrs. Weasley flicked her wand and music filled the room. Ginny and Harry made their way down the makeshift aisle, smiling all the way. Hermione stood at the end of the aisle, beaming at her soon to be husband. He stared back openmouthed. She slowly made her way up the aisle, never taking her eyes of Draco. She was so happy to be marrying him, yet so sad at the circumstances that brought them to this impromptu wedding. She loved him more than she ever believed possible. She knew that with him by her side she could get through anything. She reached him, and they clasped hands.

"We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Draco Abraxas Malfoy and Hermione Jean Granger. We live in dark times, but the love shared between these two people is a beacon of hope, when hope would otherwise be diminished." Kingsley spoke in his commanding voice.

"Do you Hermione Jean Granger take Draco Abraxas Malfoy as your husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do you part?"

"I do," Hermione stated confidently, sliding the ring on Draco's finger.

"And do you Draco Abraxas Malfoy take Hermione Jean Granger as your wife? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do you part?"

"I do," Draco said, smiling as he slid the ring on Hermione's finger.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride." Draco pulled her in tightly and kissed her tenderly, as applause filled the room.

They celebrated with what had come to be their family, and were surprised when they finally made it up to their bedroom to find the room had been turned into a honeymoon suite complete with rose petals, candles, and champagne. Hermione teared up when she saw it all. Whether the tears were from happiness or sadness, she couldn't determine, for she felt such a mix of both. She wondered how someone could be so happy, yet so sad at the same time. Pushing those thoughts out of her head she pulled her husband in for a kiss.

"I love you, Mr. Malfoy," she whispered, as their lips parted.

"And I love you Mrs. Malfoy," he whispered back, pulling her back in. They made love through the night pouring their fear, longing, and love into every kiss. Hermione never believed in soul mates, but in that moment, she would say that Draco was her other half. The piece she had unknowingly been searching for. Who knew he would be right under her nose? Sometimes love is blind, but she was thankful every day that her eyes had been opened.

Hermione woke to soft kisses on her neck, and snuggled into the warmth that was her new husband.

"Good morning Mrs. Malfoy," he said sweetly.

"Good morning," she replied, giving him a light kiss.

"I made you breakfast," he gestured to a tray of food at the end of the bed. "I have to go talk to Harry, but I want you to enjoy your breakfast, and I'll be back in a little while."

He was gone over an hour. Hermione was getting anxious as the mission time crept ever closer. They had to be in place early so they could find and knock out two death eaters, which could be tricky. They lay together, soaking each other up, not wanting to move for fear of breaking the delicate balance they found. There was a palpable charge in the air, as if after tonight everything would change.

Hermione didn't know how much time had passed until Harry knocked on their door saying it was time to get ready. Everyone gathered in the sitting room as they always did before someone left on a mission. Hermione gripped Draco's hand tightly. She still couldn't shake the feeling that he wouldn't return. Harry announced the plan one more time, making sure everyone had their portkeys that would take them to the manor if help was needed. After he was finished, Draco turned to Hermione.

Ginny was tearfully saying goodbye to Harry, making him promise to be careful, but Draco and Hermione only looked at each other.

"Come back to me," Hermione whispered, her amber eyes filled with tears.

"Always," Draco replied, leaning down and kissing her tenderly. She held on to him tightly, not wanting to let him go, but knowing she must.

Soon he and Harry were gone and she was left to worry. It wasn't just her Husband and Friend that left; it was her soul mate and her brother. Both were dearer to her than anyone. Ron tried to comfort her, whispering soothing words, but she knew they were empty words. Nothing he could say would alleviate her fears until Draco walked through that door. The others tried to distract themselves with games, conversation, and books, but Hermione could only pace. Every few minutes she would check her portkey to see if it was flashing, and was relieved when it wasn't. Hours passed this way until finally the portkey flashed. Everyone froze for a second, and then there was a flurry of activity. Hermione just hoped that Draco was still alive.

She felt the pull of the portkey and soon found herself in the great room of Malfoy Manor, curses and hexes flying every which way. She quickly deflected an orange bolt of light and thus the battle for her life began. She darted between duels, and ducked under curses, shooting spells at any Death Eater in her path, always keeping an eye out for Draco. She passed by the body of Nagini and knew immediately that the war would end tonight, one way or another. She finally spotted Draco dueling with Yaxley, but before she could make her way over to him she was stopped by Antonin Dolohov shooting the killing curse at her. She deflected it with a shield charm, and it bounced off hitting Dolohov square in the chest.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the mudblood Granger," she heard a voice taunting her from behind.

"I think you mean Malfoy," Hermione replied, looking Bellatrix straight in the eye. "Didn't you hear? Draco and I got married." She held up her left hand.

"How dare you ruin our bloodline with your dirty blood?" Bellatrix hissed, shooting a nonverbal crucio at her. Hermione side stepped it.

"Stupefy!" she shouted. Bellatrix avoided it and sent a series of nasty curses. Luckily, Hermione had the strongest shield charm of anyone she knew, and was able to withstand the barrage of curses. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Harry dueling with Voldemort, and hoped against hope that he would survive. This distraction was enough for Bellatrix to send the killing curse toward Hermione. She saw the green light hurtling toward her and was powerless to stop it. Next thing she saw was a bolt of green light hitting Bellatrix from the side, and a body blocking the curse from hitting her. She couldn't see a face, but there was only one person she knew with hair like that.

She unknowingly let out an agony filled scream. Draco lay on the ground before her, his lifeless eyes staring unseeingly at the ceiling. Everything around her came to a stop and all she could see was Draco. She felt herself drop to her knees.

"WHY?" she screamed. "Why would you do that? You promised you'd come back. You promised," she cried hysterically. She heard distant spells being exchanged, but none of it made sense to her. All she saw was him. Then suddenly someone was pulling her away.

"No! I can't leave him," she cried, crawling back to him.

"Hermione, he's gone," Ginny soothed, taking her hand, "You have to come with me."

Suddenly the sound came rushing back to her, the room was filled with screams, but as she listened more she found that they weren't screams of terror or agony, but rather joy and celebration. She looked past Ginny and saw Harry standing over Voldemort's body. They had won. But she had never lost so much.

The rest of the order was rounding up the Death Eaters, but Ginny took Hermione home. For the most part, Hermione didn't even notice. All she could think about was Draco and how she would never see him again, never touch him, or kiss him. She would rather fight in a war for eternity with him by her side, than live even a day without him. No one could ever measure up to him.

She didn't emerge from her room for three days. When she did she was a shell of herself. The pain of Draco's loss hung over her like a cloud, her eyes had lost their life, and she lost her will to live. One day Harry went up to her room to check on her and found a note instead.

_Dear Family,_

_The pain of Draco's loss has become too much to bear. Everything here reminds me too much of him, and I simply can't stay here. I don't want to remember anymore. By the time you read this I will be long gone. Please don't look for me or contact me. The memories are just too painful._

_Love,_

_Hermione_

Hermione sat in a café in a small Australian town. She looked up when she heard the bell over the door ring as someone walked in. A tall man with platinum blond hair stepped up to the counter. For reasons unknown to her she held her breath until he turned around, however when he did she felt a wave of confusion. She didn't know what she was expecting, after all, she never knew any blond men.


End file.
